I originally posted this without any explanation but some people were confused... This is a poem I wrote as part of a journal entry last year. I was feeling very overwhelmed with life and especially parenting...feeling like I just can't keep up and I'm losing ground...Although I wrote it last year, it is still very relevant to me now.


Avalanche

I hold desperately to my childrens’ hands,
hoping I don’t lose them in the chaos and dust,
but feeling them slip…
slipping in the dust that chokes and blinds me…
slipping ….
gradually…

I’m in an avalanche
dirt and rocks pouring down from the hill above
and I scramble…
I climb to get past it,
flailing to get above the piling dirt,
one step forward,
Forty-two back…
getting more and more buried as I go.

How long can I keep fighting if this doesn’t let up?

I can’t even hold on to Chris – can hardly hear him shouting through the noise.
All I can do is try to catch sight of him
through the gaps in the falling rock
and pray he holds on and stays close

All the while, wondering…
that one nagging and foreboding question
that eats at me daily as I’m slowly buried
and slowly losing my grip on them:

Where will they be?

When the dust settles…
When I can look around…
When I can finally try to reach for them…

Where will they be?

Christa 9/14/09